Welcome to OctaWEb!!
Octa, the feminine "Octo", meaning eight.
Eight is a cosmically significant number used in many religions worldwide.
For instance, The EightFold Path from Buddhism, which describes the traits an individual should exude in order to escape the cycles of rebirth and achieve Nirvana.
The number 8 is also used in the Witch's Wheel of the Year, which chronicles major Sabbats and minor Esbats. These divisions are based on the lunar year, the most natural way of keeping time.
A spider has 8 legs, reminding us of the Native American story of Grandmother Spider, the originator and keeper of the web of life, through which we are all connected.
This blog is intended both as a research project for myself, and something that others can learn from and use. It is intended to do no less than uplift the consciousness of the entire world. So there. I will chronicle my own personal journey towards conscious awareness and I hope that others will find this helpful.
Namaste.
1/17/08
The past is always there. The choices you made when you were younger and the circumstances surrounding your growth always seem to exist somewhere and shape things into the future. Sometimes i still feel like that little awkward girl in high school who didn't speak her mind enough and ran (6 miles, every other day) so that that her mind would stop screaming at her, and held herself into her little world with every breath she had, even though it was too small and gave her splinters. But, I'm still that little prodigal child, who was outgoing and playful and would let you exactly what was up.
What is it about the past that seems to feel so sticky lately? Things that I could have just sworn I'd forgotten are coming back with a vengeance to remind me what made this identity that I've constructed. I remember why I am so good at playing the game with men, how I've learned them very well so that I can be intimate with them and yet very distant, as friends and otherwise. I am finding that I still very much have trouble letting my guard down creatively, taking the reins and letting it happen. I am prone to over-analyzing a situation as a defense mechanism. It helps me with understanding others, but also alienates me because I live so much in my own head. At some points in my life, I've purposely surrounded myself with men and women who live directly through their bodies. They eat well, they like good beer, they fuck whomever and whenever they want to. I admire them, partly because that is foreign to me. Though, that's changing for me, one holy hell of a lot. I think that there are definitely times to feed your id, like your ego, like your soul. All of these things have seasons. I think the trick is to let yourself go with it, and be at peace, even though it may not be exactly what you expected. With intention, the universe will align itself to give you exactly what you need. But, I've noticed that if you ask for healing, you will not be magically healed all of the time. It does happen, but not always. Mostly, you will be shown the meat of the situations contributing to your problem, and then it becomes your responsibility to assess them with better vision. That fact has become abundantly clear to me recently; I still have the intent on living my dream, which is to be a prolificly creative artist in every aspect of my life, and to shape reality into something immensely beautiful and uplifting, that just sings with hope and appreciation. I believe that I am doing that. I am back here with an abundance of raw materials with which to work, and I will come to a place where the physical manifestations of my creativity just flow out of me like water, like blood, like my voice. Why not? It's ok to write songs concerning specific events, and to write/ dance/ paint/ knit/ sing your own truth. Even if seems small, it's still important in the grander scheme of things. I have so much interest in minutae and moment, like analogy. That's probably why I like fairy tales and fables so much. Truth through situation. So, I also have to deal with the fact that I WORRY that my life may seem very small to others. I want to be confident with myself that way. My life is not small. I've a whole universe inside me, with a pantheon of gods and an entire world history complete with lineage and terrain. I will remove the blocks (that are almost completely internal and wrapped up in my particular psychology) preventing my living the life of an artist, and living life as art. Writing definitely helps. Getting all of this stuff out into the ether and collective conciousness helps. When I write, I feel much stronger. It feels like talking to a friend about something and just getting to hear what you say. That in itself is the beginning of the process, but you've just gotta let it out somehow.
I've been in this years'-long question about action and intent: how important is one compared to the other? Like, you didn't mean to hurt someone but you did a blatantly shitty thing. Is forgiveness required? Of yourself or of the other person? Or you have a vast inner life that, if tapped into, could change the world, but you don't work in any recognized modality. Are you living up to your responsiblity as a co-creator? I think that if you want to work in a modality, and you are not, then you are not realizing your full potential.
I also keep coming back to the idea that, "Where there is love, there is no effort." That is beautiful, and true, but not the whole truth. Where there is love, there is no effort, but there will be practice. It is absolutely necessary to keep your purpose in mind, or at least to know yourself, and believe that even the most mundane activity is a conversation with god. Perception is key.
When Ben and I were still talking, he said that he very rarely got sad. In fact, sometimes he would be doing something as trivial as the dishes and look out the window above the sink, and just be alight with gratitude at the fact that he even existed and that he was was able to conciously have that experience. It's true, the very fact that we even live in this body, with this mind, at this time and place, that we even exist in this galaxy is a miracle. If we could just stop hurting each other, the planet, and ourselves (which are all really the same thing anyway) and bask in the infinite beauty that our existence can offer us, I think that we could be OK. It is this work that is at the core of changing the paradigm. And, I believe that fully appreciating one of those things can lead to an appreciation of all of them.
First, you just gotta wake up.
For instance, love your body and your mind and learn to have compassion for it. This inner compassion for yourself will allow you to have compassion for others. You will no longer want to poison yourself with the causes of the main physical problems of our society: obesity, cancer, liver disease, etc. When the habits and the drugs that nurture them are cleared out of the way, and the body resumes its natural rhythms, your systems will begin to resonate more strongly with the earth, and you will be less likely to harm her during your life.
Or, start with the earth. Conservation, ecology, the desire for the elimination of weapons that irradiate and pollute, or the refusal to buy products that hurt the planet you came from. In the earth's ecology, you can see yourself, and how your actions can be used for either healing or harm. You develop a sense of personal responsibility. By avoiding products that harm the earth, you avoid products that harm yourself. By focusing on things that heal yourself, you are able to gain information and pass on the ability to heal others.
Thirdly, you can start with compassion for other people, and of course animals, because we all have a conciousness and most of us can feel pain and sadness. All the major religions state that service to others is the primary goal, and one of the only ways that humanity can save itself. What they don't mention is the myriad of forms this service can take when one person becomes concious and bases themselves in a larger mentality than the demands of his/ her ego. As you grow to understand the motivations for the actions of others, you begin to hear stories the ring true for your own life, and you have a broader base from which to have compassion for yourself. People are not all that different. In the forms that life has taken on this planet, and may take on other planets/ universes/ dimensions, we are a tiny little blip of breath in a really big body. That being said, you can pretty much assume that you can relate to and have compassion for any person that comes your way. Given different genetic coding and post-birth circumstance, I really believe that I could be in the body/mind of any and every single person that has ever lived and/or died on this planet. This realization can help immensely to allay anger at others and learn to forgive.
It seems that people in this culture seem to understand the first idea, self-love, fairly well and have difficulty with the other two. Or their version of self-love looks like letting the ego drive. As in, I love myself so I want alot of money and I want my body to be comfortable. This feeling may or may not extend to one's immediate family, but the end result is that the circumference of the circle the person lives in is very small.
This is a pleasure/ pain principle, and is the very first mode of morality that people can experience. As Americans, we are given this structure pretty much since the day we are born. Money is good, dualistic power is good, new objects are good.
The problem with this mentality is that it uses fear to sustain itself. Advertising serves the insecurities of the ego. Most media is based in advertising. (expand this) Therefore, most information an American gets has some basis in fear: of oneself, of others, of others' opinion of oneself. That is not all that is out there.
So, in short, you can arrive at a better wholeness through any of these routes. And, honestly, it doesn't have to be difficult. It can be like jazz, flowing into and out of itself and using tiny little actions to make bigger, more lavish actions. Waking up is the hardest part.
Where there is love, there is no effort, but there will be practice.
